Of Dreams and Nightmares

This post is an example of why some people should not be allowed to write blogs without supervision….. 

Photo pirated from facebook, don’t know who to credit

So I’m sitting here, looking at this blank page, and wondering what I can write to make you, my dear Chewy, laugh. Maybe I should put some of the pictures I saw on facebook last week, like the one with the tattoo. But that picture gave me nightmares, so I wonder if you should really see it. I dreamt that I was in China, and this woman with a magic pen was writing on my back. When she finished, I started to grow feathers, and then wings sprouted out of my back, and I turned into a giant cock —

Ah. Not the cock of porn films. But a real rooster, and every time I tried to speak, the only sounds I could make was something like coo-ko-lilo-koko! And then there was this Chinese girl laughing at me, and telling her friends, “Hey. When did you ever see a village rooster crowing in a town?” That is supposed to be a Swahili proverb. I was so pissed with her for speaking Swahili in Chinese – whatever that means, in the dream, it was so real – that I turned my rear end on her and let out a bucket of diarrhoea right onto her face!

 Recommended Video: 6.5 million views on YouTube.
What Happened in Room 13. 

Stupid dream. But it isn’t as stupid as the one you had, of a Japanese ghost. The geisha in a blue dress. I think she came into my dreams too. She was rowing a boat made out of feather — what are feather doing in my dreams! – and she had a face as white as cassava flour. I was sitting with you on the beach, watching the sunset, and at first we thought she was a swan swimming through the lake at sunset. But when she got close enough, we saw what she was. And she leapt off the boat and flew at us —

And we ran further down the beach until we found a group of people dancing naked around a fire, in the beams of the full moon, we stripped and joined them and we danced to the music of a guitar. Only that it turned out they were all dead people —

I think you can guess how bored I am right now. That I’m suffering from what some fools call a writer’s block —  I don’t think it’s that at all. I’m just tired. Tired of making applications. Been making them all week long. Whew, let me go cook some chicken then I’ll see how to make this a blog post worth reading. 

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