Is Ejaculate a Taboo Word?

Funny thing I noticed while reading Victor Hugo’s The Hunchback of Notre-Dame – a book I wish I had read while I was much younger. It’s such fun, with such a sense of humor that I wonder why I have never been encouraged to read it until now?

I only picked it off the shelves the other day because of the animated film. I found a friend watching it, the last bit of it anyway, and was so intrigued that I thought the book would be as good.

Normally, I know movies are not half as good as the books they are based on, but I liked what I saw in that animated film, so I believed that the book is really good.

And it is. Only that it has this word that keeps coming up all the time – ejaculate 🙂 They use it as a dialogue attribute. “Don’t you love me?” he ejaculated.

No, let’s try to get a better punch line. “I saw you with my wife!” he ejaculated.

Still not funny, but I guess if I keep trying I’ll hit a really good one.

Reminds me of the documentary, F*ck, about that four letter word, and makes me think that maybe in five hundred years time, the word ‘love’ will also be a taboo word, and instead of people telling each other ‘I love you’, they might say, “I care you” of maybe, F*ck will be a not so taboo word, and people will be telling each other ‘I f*** you’ instead of ‘I love you.’ Ooops, that’s kind of scary, but given the amount of used that f word has in today’s world, it is a possibility.

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One of Those Gloomy Days

I thought they were gone, but today I woke up feeling real down. After a week of making a ton of grant applications, I can’t help feeling down. The problem with applying for grants is that it makes you feel like a beggar, and for people who have low self-confidence (blame it on the upbringing!) once that kind of feeling sets in your moods start to go down.

This confidence thing, it’s really not anything I can do anything about it. It’s like some people will laugh at the slightest tickle, others will cry at the slightest pain, others will develop verbal diarrhea at the slightest opportunity. I just start to doubt myself when I don’t see a way out of a difficult situation.

It doesn’t mean I give up. I’m no quitter, and if the going gets so tough I’ll keep going. It’s just that the doubts come like clouds gathering for a rainstorm, and I have to pray to the sun god harder than I always do for him to keep shinning and send away these stupid clouds.

Not had a decent sleep in a whole week, and feeling really bored during the days. Not got the energy to edit the documentaries, though I have a lot of work to do. Every time I open premier pro, I feel energy draining off me. A stupid voice inside my head asks me a stupid question (‘Do you think you’ll ever be Kubrick?’) and I just feel every muscle in my body going limp the way a lump of butter melts when you dump it in a frying pan.

I need a reason. Something to motivate me. To drag me out of this gloom. To tell me that I can make it, with or without money, that I will get there someday.

I’ve been hearing that ‘You’ll get there Dilman’ nonsense for so long now that I need something better than that to re-ignite my heart.

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Do You Believe in the Love of the Silver Screen?

Well, I watched this brilliant movie, ‘Definately, Maybe’, the other day, and it’s these kinds of movies that make me wonder if love of that kind is found in everyday life.

The same people who made it were behind ‘Love Actually’, which is one of my favourite movies, and which inspired me to attempt writing a TV series called ‘The Total Agony of Being in Love’. One of the characters, a 12year old boy, does say he is in the total agony of being in love because a girl he wants doesn’t even look at him, or something like that.

But after watching ‘Definately, Maybe’, where two people are apparently made for each other, that even after years and years of separation they can still find that fire that made them kiss on a coach just before this guy was supposed to propose to another girl – uhm, I wonder if that really happens in real life?

Living in Nepal for the last one year has definitely questioned my whole concept of love – and of true love. I’ve met couples, who married after meeting only once or twice, in arranged marriages, and yet who love each other more than couples who dated for years before tying the note.

And the characters in the documentary I’m making, who withstand torture, who live in a forest for several days, who refuse to budge even as their village is burning in violence because the upper caste people are venting their fury on all the lower caste people following an inter-caste marriage. They refuse to be separated even after all this, and they go on to live happily ever after lives.

I used to think that this kind of love only exists in the silver screen – and yes, many of these characters where influenced by TV, and they did tell me that their adventures were the kind that happens only in movies.
Which makes me really want to think that probably, just probably, the love I see on TV is not the kind of love that only happens in fairy tales, but in the grit of everyday life.

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