Self Trap

This visual poetry is available on my youtube channel, dilstories TV. I’ve been writing poetry for a long time, as long as I’ve been writing, but never found courage to share publicly for they come from deep inside. Sometimes so deep inside that I feel naked when they are out in the open. Mostly, I never shared because I had not figured out how to monetize poetry. Well, I know what you are saying, giving me that look that you reserve for people who make art for money’s sake. But then, since I quit salaried employment over a decade ago, my artworks have to pay my bills. Poetry is always hard to sell, unless you are a spoken word artist, or unless you can write lyrics for musicians, so until now I only did it for fun, to deal with pain, or to please whichever girl had my attention at that moment. I make films, and so it was only natural that I tried to make video poetry, and now that I’m making them for public consumption, well, they won’t remain a hundred percent personal.

I’m making this series called Sad Love Poetry, and this poem is the first in the lot. Earlier in the year, I broke my own promise to myself (make art, not love) and I let someone disturb my heart. For a while I was hurting in that lovesick situation, and I thought I would never heal because it’s only the second time in my entire life that I felt that way. It never gets easier, you know. I pulled myself together. I got over it much quicker than I thought I would, and though she still has not shown me anything to give me hope, I’m not hurting anymore. Not like a few months ago. Still, that situation sparked off these poems, and I’ll continue making them, for it’s fun to be sad.

So head over to my YouTube channel and subscribe so you can get instant notification next time I create a sad love poem. I’m hoping to do it once a month, and I’m improving on my animations, so you can expect really great videos to make you sad.

If you have a few pennies to spare, you can consider becoming my patron. For a contribution as little as $1 towards every film I make, you will have done a very big thing to help a struggling filmmaker get on his feet. Show me some love :-))

So here is text version of the poem.

Leave a comment below if you enjoy it, or if you think I need to improve in some way.

Would love to hear from you!

i can’t escape

my own trap

to fall for you

and now

i hate my heart

it needs you

i hate my mind

you live there

i hate my dreams

you haunt them

i hate my feet

they seek you

down One-Way street

i hate my hands

everything

i touch is you

i hate me

i love you

Now that you are here, I have a small favor to ask. I regularly make science fiction short films and I’m looking for your support. It’s very difficult to make it as a filmmaker in Africa, where there is virtually no market to encourage big film investments, and so any dollar you can spare will go a long way into changing things. Please pledge on patreon.com/dilstories You only pay after I make the film, and you can stop payments at anytime. For other options, like donating via mobile money or PayPal, please go here dilmandila.com/donate

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